Text by Kate Rae. Image courtesy of Lighthouse.

One of the hardest things for young children to grasp about death is its permanence. “A young child might tell us, ‘My dad died because he got sick,’ ” says Jason Dockeray, director of services for Lighthouse, which is located in Oakville. “And then later, when you ask what they’re looking forward to, they’ll say, ‘My birthday party. I hope my dad can come.’ ” There is a desperate need for support for grieving kids, according to Dockeray. Lighthouse is one of the few places that offers free, open-ended support groups for children as young as three. “Here, children and their families can be supported for three months. They can be supported for four years…. There’s no limit.”

Lighthouse has age-specific support groups — for “tiny tots,” children, tweens, teens and young adults up to 24 years old. Then, the program tries to further match up the kids according to the loss they’re experiencing — perhaps with a sibling, parent or caregiver. It also offers support groups for parents. “You don’t want to just support the kids and then send them to a home [that’s] not dealing with their grief in a healthy way,” says Dockeray.

At the heart of all the groups is the talking circle, which starts with a Lighthouse welcome — a place where everyone shares who they are, who their deceased person is and how that person died. The term “loved one” isn’t used by staff and volunteers at Lighthouse — an acknowledgment that it doesn’t fit for those who have lost a difficult person.

For younger children, there’s free play with the volunteers, many of whom were once participants themselves, and a chance to explore the different areas of the centre. There’s a “hospital room” where children can play, and while the sand-filled activity table has superhero action figures and Dinky cars, it also holds little urns and caskets to help normalize the concept of death. Art activities might include pasting a picture of the deceased person on a piece of paper and writing the things the kids love and miss about that person. Older children can gather in the teen space downstairs and play pool or guitar and connect with their peers.

Then there’s everyone’s place of choice: the Volcano Room. “It’s a padded room with a punching bag and a basketball net and all kinds of pillows,” says Dockeray. “They can literally bounce off the walls and scream and yell. There’s lots of quiet places for them to play, but sometimes you just want to be angry and let it out.”

The primary goal at Lighthouse is not to try to fix anybody, but to provide a safe space where companionship and support can take place. “It’s a community that you never want to have, but when you’re in that [grieving] situation, you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

Lighthouse is a CAA Member–nominated organization. Do you know of a Good Place? We want to celebrate community organizations that strive to make life better for all. Send nominations to drivenbygood@caasco.ca to share their stories.